


just you and the moon on my skin

by Amie33



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 18:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1788394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amie33/pseuds/Amie33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s the middle of the night but Alex can’t sleep. She’s been lying in her bed for hours now, eyes wide open. She feels tired, exhausted even, but it doesn’t change anything. She can’t sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just you and the moon on my skin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [philindas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/philindas/gifts).



> For Liz. The idea of this fic came to me after I listened to the same song for hours, that happened to be in her Utah fanmix. I absolutely adore the fanmix and I totally fell in love with the song. I can't think about anything but Utah when I hear it, and I think I'll never be able to think about anything else anymore.  
> So, yeah, Utah fic. I feel like it's a bit of a _passage obligé_ in the mattex fandom, but somehow I couldn't write about it until today. I'm so happy it's finally done, and I hope you're going to enjoy my version of it.  
>  Title from _Eavesdrop_ , The Civil Wars.  
> Unbeta'd.

It’s the middle of the night but Alex can’t sleep. She’s been lying in her bed for hours now, eyes wide open. She feels tired, exhausted even, but it doesn’t change anything. She can’t sleep.

They’ve been here for days now, so she can’t blame the jet lag anymore. They are working twelve hours a day in the middle of the desert, shooting emotionally strong scenes, the wind blowing sand that gets everywhere; she should come back into her room every night and fall asleep before her head even touches the pillow. But somehow it’s not the case. She tried yoga, relaxing tea, she even counted the sheep on the second night here, but nothing worked. She hasn’t slept more than a couple of hours per night for almost a week. She won’t be able to keep on like that for long: she will be slowly getting mad at that pace.

She doesn’t know why her mind refuses to let her rest. Or maybe, yes, she does know but she refuses to face it. She doesn’t want to think about it. It’s not the right time and not the right place. And it’s probably nothing but a stupid idea caused by too much sun and too much sand. Once she will be back home, far away from Utah, she will probably realise how stupid all of this was. For now, she needs to sleep, and soon, for her own sanity.

She does everything she can. She thinks about her daughter, she plans her next holidays, and Christmas, and her next birthday, Salome’s, and the holidays after, until she feels like she’s planned her whole life for the next ten years. Around three in the morning she eventually gets up, has tea again, opens a book and starts to read.

None of this works. Her alarm clock wakes her up ten minutes after she finally manages to close her eyes. She groans and wipes her face before reaching for the bathroom, shambling and sighing.

x.

Hours later she’s back in her bed after an awful day. She was too tired to concentrate and missed half of her lines. They had to shoot the same scenes again and again and it’s a miracle she managed not to ruin all of them. The make-up girl looked at her face with eyes full of questions but Alex was glad she didn’t ask any. She thinks her co-stars realised too; Arthur told her silly jokes all day long, Karen frowns at her more than once, and Matt… Matt did like everything was fine, except she caught him looking at her with a worried look every now and then.

The three of them were all going out tonight and have a drink, inviting her but she declined. She was determined to sleep. They must have understood because none of them insisted like they would usually do.

As tired as she is though, she can’t sleep. And now there she is, at two in the morning, about to cry and scream in frustration. She turns on the light and sighs, deciding it wouldn’t do her any good to stay here and get angry. She needs to calm down if she wants to have a chance to finally sleep.

She rummages into her things, taking her night clothes off to slip into a pair of jeans, a plain black shirt and her trainers. The cool air of the night seems to be a good idea - she feels like she’s suffocating in her room.

She opens her door, carefully trying not to make any noise as she crosses the corridor. There’s not a single sound coming from the other rooms and she doesn’t want to wake up anyone. Apparently she manages really well, reaching the lift without meeting anyone. A few seconds later she’s out of the hotel, breathing a bit more easily.

The night is calm, lots of stars shining upon her head, wind slightly breezing. She walks until the end of the car park, and here there’s nothing in front of her but the desert. She can only make out a few houses in the dark, and then some hills, but everything is wild and silent. She knows that on the other side of the hotel there’s a road, and then the whole city. She could take that path and have a run in the empty streets, but somehow the landscape here is too fascinating, and she can’t take her eyes off the view.

Something flaps behind her and she turns on her heels quickly, her heart skipping a beat as a form approaches her.

“Alex?”

She recognises the voice instantly and she sighs in relief.

“Matt! You scared the hell out of me!”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, “I didn’t know you were here.” He’s right next to her now, and she can see his feature more clearly. He raises a brow at her. “What are you even doing out of here at that time of the night?”

She groans and rubs her hands upon her sleepy eyes. “I can’t sleep.” He nods in understanding as she pauses. “I haven’t slept well since we arrived here,” she continues, and she doesn’t know why she’s confessing it to him.

“Oh.”

“And you, what’s your excuse?” she asks before he can question her more. “Too much tequila?” she teases. He has changed and probably taken a shower since he came back from the bar Karen has dragged him and Arthur, but she can still smell the alcohol and the cigarettes around him.

“What? No, no.” He shakes his head and she believes him. He may still smell like the bar, but he doesn’t sound like he’s drunk. “We didn’t drink much, I just… I couldn’t sleep either.”

“Oh.”

She smiles at him and he smiles back, and for a few seconds they don’t move, just looking at the desert in front of them.

“So,” Matt finally speaks again, “are we going to stay here all night long or do you have a plan?”

Alex sighs, feeling more tired than ever. “Maybe I should get back to my room and try to sleep a bit.”

“Or…” Matt starts and stops, waiting for her to ask.

“Or?”

She turns to face Matt and finds him grinning. Oh, she knows that smile, she’s been working with him for long enough now to know it means he has an idea. Possibly brilliant, more certainly catastrophic.

“Well, I know where the car is. And where the keys are.”

She frowns, looking around them. He doesn’t want to steal one of the cars, does it ? “What do you mean? What car?”

“The car, Kingston!” He waves his hands with passion and she feels a bit more lost. “Come on, you’ve been sitting on this beauty all day long.”

“Oh… that car?” She finally understands he’s talking about the red Edsel.

“Yes!”

“But, we can’t… Matt, Steven will probably fire you if he knows you stole the car!”

“I won’t steal it, I will just borrow it. For the night. A couple of hours more. We will” She’s still frowning at him, trying to look very cross in hope he forgets this idea. Apparently she’s completely failing because the next second he begs her again. “Come on. We won’t get very far, and I promise you we’ll get it back before anybody realises it’s gone. And I won’t break it.” A pause, and then again. “Please.”

She bites her lips before sighing in defeat. “Alright, alright, it’s okay.”

“Kingston, thank you, I love you!”

He cups her face and kisses her soundly on the cheek, and for a second her heart stops beating. She feels herself blushing but it doesn’t seem to embarrass Matt. He clasps his hands before turning around and walking back to the hotel. “Okay, I’m just taking a few things and coming back. You, don’t move.”

“I won’t.”

She clears her throat and watches as he disappears in the hotel. Oh god, what is she doing?

x.

Matt comes back before Alex can change her mind. She knows it isn’t a good idea to go out with him in the middle of the night, but exhaustion seems to make her blurry. At least if anythings goes wrong she can still pretend she was too tired to realise what was happening.

“Nothing will go wrong,” Matt says and she realises she must have said the last sentence aloud. She changes the subject quickly.

“What have you all taken?” she frowns as he arrives next to her. She thought he was only getting the keys, but his arms are full.

“Oh, just a few things to make our trip more comfortable. Blankets, it must be freezing in the desert.” He holds one to her. “And tea, of course, to warm us and, well, it’s always good to have tea. I’ve also found a few maps, just in case. Everything we need.”

He smiles warmly at her and she smiles back. He’s so enthusiast, it doesn’t really matter if it’s good or bad to steal (borrow, she corrects herself) a car and have a ride in the middle of the night in the Utah desert, she feels like she could do anything to have him smile like that. And he’s thought about everything. She holds the blankets closer to her.

“It’s perfect Matt. Now, where is it?”

He beams at her even more. “Follow me.”

There’s something that looks like a garage at the other end of the car park and Matt leads her in its direction. He rummages in his pocket and after a few attempts, he finally finds the right key. With a twist of his wrist and a smile on his face, he unlocks the door.

The car is waiting inside, as beautiful as it was on set, almost shining in the dark, and Alex can’t help but grin at the sight. When she turns again, Matt has left her side. He’s jumped inside the car before she can say a word. He throws his blanket and the thermos bottle on the back seat before opening the passenger door to Alex. She slips in next to him, her smile mirroring his.

A few seconds later, they are driving out of the car park and on the road, heading to the calm vastness of the desert.

x.

They drive for a while, chatting about everything and anything, anecdotes of the shooting, news from their life and family. Alex realises they haven’t really talked like that for a long while. Of course now they see each other every day, but it’s all for work, and between the shooting of this episode and the previous one they have been far away from each other and haven’t had the time to call and have a chat. She isn’t sure they even texted - they might have, once or twice, but that’s all. The last time they had the chance to be just the two of them was one night while she was on set for the finale of season five; they had rehearsed lines until it was late and they ended up having dinner on his sofa, glasses of wine in their hands, script long abandoned as they talked. Alex realised then how much she enjoyed Matt's company, on set when he was full of energy and made her laugh with his clumsiness, but also when he was quiet and a bit tipsy, his voice low as he made the tiny details of his life sound like confessions easily shared.

It’s the same tonight she thinks, intimate and at the same time so easy. When they stop chatting, it's because they’re both lost in the sight of the endless desert in front of them and the thousands of stars above their heads. It feels comfortable to have Matt next to her to share that moment. Even if she wishes she could be sleeping, there’s something unique in the moment she wouldn’t miss for anything.

And then she can’t help but wonder if this night on their last shooting was the reason why she’s avoided texting or calling him the last few months. There were close, alone in his flat, and nothing happened really - except a long list of what if-s that she’s tried to forget since then.

After a while Matt stops and parks the car on the side of the road. They passed the last house ten minutes ago, didn't meet a single car on the road, and there’s nothing now in front of them but the desert, dry sand almost as clear enough to reflect the moon and the stars. There’s no sound either, just the cry of some animal every now and then, and the quiet music of their breathing.

They don’t say a thing for the first minutes, don’t even move, admiring the wild sight in front of them. Eventually Matt reaches out to take the thermos; he pours tea for her into the lid before he drinks directly at the bottle. She whispers a thank you, blowing the steam coming from her improvised glass before drinking, still contemplating the desert.

“So,” Matt says after a while, almost whispering, as if he was afraid to bother the quiet night, “what’s happening?”

Alex frowns at him. “What do you mean?”

“I know something’s wrong, Kingston. You’ve been different since we arrived.”

She sighs. Of course, from all the people on set, he has to be the one asking her. He has to be the one making her think about what was happening, as if seeing him everyday wasn’t enough of a challenge. “I don’t know. I can’t sleep, that’s all.” He raises his brow at her, not believing a single word and she huffs. “You’re not sleeping either,” she retorts.

“Because I’ve been worrying about you.”

She gulps, looking down at her empty lid. He doesn’t realise sometimes the things he can say, and she knows most of the time it’s because there’s nothing to realise about. He is just friendly with her, because they are friends; and that’s what friends do, worrying about each other.

She hands him the empty lid and put it back on the thermos bottle, still without a word.

Yes, there are friends, but when her mind comes back to this night, months ago, when it was just him and her, how she felt then, she can’t help but wonder…

“Alex.”

He says her name gently and she doesn’t know what makes her jump, the fact that he spoke, of the fact that he told her first name, and not that ‘Kingston” he seems so fond of using.

She has been so lost in her mind she hasn’t realised she was still holding the thermos, and hasn’t realised Matt’s hand closing upon hers. She feels herself blushing again. It makes her think about the same hand lingering on hers just a bit too long when she left his flat the other day.

“Alex,” he says again and she finally looks up. “What’s wrong?” He asks again, real concern in his voice. She gulps, trying to find a way to reassure him without ruining everything.

“Utah. The desert. All this wild nature around us…” she finally replied. “You can feel forces here, things we’re not used to. It’s a strong feeling, a bit magic, a bit frightening. It makes you think about things, what’s important and what’s not. It makes you realise what you could do, if you were really listening to yourself.”

It’s not the nature she’s looking at, but his big eyes shining in the moonlight, and for a second she sees what she saw a few months before. Something as deep as the night here, as thrilling and as terrifying.

“What does it make you think about exactly?”

You, she wants to breathe out. “My life. I’m old, with two failed marriage and a long list of other failures.”

He squeezes her hand and she realises she hasn’t moved it from his.

“And?” He asks for more and it’s like she can’t deny it, mesmerised by his skin touching her skin, every feeling amplify by the quiet night and the lonely desert around them. Everything she’s been avoiding those last days - those last months - come clear to her and she feels like under a magic spell, unable but to say them out loud.

“You’re young, and still have everything to come. You’re the leader of a popular show, and you probably have everything you want, and more. You still have everything to come, when I’m just --”

His lips on hers cut her, unexpected, and her last words get caught on her throat. It’s instantly passionate, his kiss demanding and she moans when she feels his tongue stroking her already open mouth. The sound scares her for an instant, and she wonders if she hasn’t mixed up reality and her fantasy. But Matt must feel her doubts and the second she thinks about pulling back his free hand comes resting on her waist, pulling her closer instead.

She gives up, forgetting about her doubts and fears, about all the reasons why he shouldn’t be kissing her and why she shouldn’t let him. He’s got his hands on her and his lips upon hers; it’s everything she’s forced herself not to dream about and more, even better than everything she could have imagined, and she wouldn’t ruin it now.

He kisses and kisses her, his mouth passionate and she feels dizzy by the feeling of him. His hands roam over her body, holding her like his life depends on it, pulling her closer and closer until she’s sitting on his lap. She realises her own hands have moved too, the thermos bottle long lost as she runs her fingers in his hair, down his neck, grips his shirt and tears at it, groaning in frustration against the material that still keeps him away from her.

It feels endless, but at the same time it feels like just a second. She wants everything from him and if she believes how he's holding her he wants everything from her too. But they can't get enough of each other, squirming, moaning, losing themselves in their kiss until nothing else matters.

Matt’s the one pulling back first and Alex breathes deeply as air fills her lungs again. Matt’s head presses against hers as they both pant, their head spinning from the lack of air and the power of their kiss. But as oxygen makes its way back into her, and her mind seems to think clearly again, all of Alex's fears come back suddenly as she realises what they’re doing.

“Shh,” Matt breathed out reassuringly, stroking her more gently now, his touch almost enough to calm her down.

“I’m not sure we should--” she starts but he kisses her again, slowly, quietly, until she’s moaning again against his lips, feeling herself totally melting down. She has never thought he had this in him, these deep feelings, this soft tenderness she can feel when he’s kissing her. She’s always thought there was nothing from his point but a physical attractiveness, due to their time on set and the characters they’re playing, but now she realises it must have been more than that. She hasn’t imagined anything after all, because it was true, there was something more than a physical attraction between them.

It doesn’t mean it’s a good idea though.

“Matt,” she whispers his name when they part to breathe again.

“Yes?”

She strokes his face, his thumbs caressing his lips and he pecks them gently. “What are we doing?”

His eyes look directly into hers and she’s surprised by how sure he seemed, not a doubt visible in his gaze. She must look so pathetic to him.

“You’re right,” he finally answers. “There’s something here that makes you do things you’ll never dare to do in any other situation.”

“And we are a thing?”

“We are.”

She feels her hands slightly tremble at the confession.

“There’s nothing here,” he continues. “Just you and me, and desert and the stars. And I don’t want to hide anything to you. I don’t want to pretend anymore.”

“Maybe we should talk first.”

"I don't wanna talk right now."

"But what if --"

He sighs in defeat. “I'm sorry, you're right. It's okay. We don’t have to. I'm sorry if I pushed you. It will probably kill me but we can stop if you want to. If I totally misinterpreted things. Or if you’re not ready to. Of if you’re too afraid to.”

“No.” She hasn’t even thought, the words leaving her lips before they even form in her head. She might be a bit afraid of what they can do, what they will be in the morning, what it will change. But she’s even more afraid to let the chance go. She will never be able to live her life with the regret of this moment.

“No,” she repeats, kissing him again, her hands gripping his shirt tightly. And then she doesn’t say anything anymore, and neither does Matt, or at least not with words. It's her lips against his lips, stroking, licking, discovering. It's his hands on her skin, caressing, stroking,  worshipping. Their language isn't of words but follows the path of their fingers and the rhythm of their kisses, their tongues entwined meaning more than everything they could say.

They manage to take off their clothes, squirming and laughing as they're stuck between the wheel and the seat. But it's another game, their hands reaching for every new patch of skin and try at the same time to discover what's hiding under the pieces of clothes that remain. Eventually they are naked, skin pressed against skin and it feels like a whole new world to discover.

They kiss and stroke, their breathing getting deeper and shallower as they learn each other. And when their bodies finally join, it feels like everything else disappears. They roll together, carefully first, then more intently, until they gasp and cry and fall together, the moon their only witness.

When their breathings come back to a normal pace they lie down, and Alex blesses the old car for his single seat at the front. She barely feels Matt tug the blankets from the back seat to cover them. His arms snake back around her after that and she sighs, feeling more content that she’s had this last days. She vaguely thinks about the  fact they’re still in a car in the middle of the desert, and that they’ll have to work in a few hours, but those things don’t matter right now.

“Just a little while, and we’ll get back,” she hears Matt whisper, but she’s already half asleep.

x.

They manage to wake up and drive back at the hotel just in time to park the car back in its place and reach their room before anybody notices.

The next night, Alex doesn’t even try to sleep in her bed. She slips out of her room after everyone’s quiet, reaching for Matt’s room instead. A knock on his door is all he needs to open, letting her in.

There, in his bed, his arms around her and his warm body pressed against hers, his warm voices whispering softly to her, she falls asleep instantly.

 

 


End file.
